The Pursuit Of Happiness
I recently finished watching the finale of ‘The Good Place’ on Netflix (super awesome, PLEASE watch it if you have not already) and one of the episodes actually got me thinking in the shower (because that’s where all my awesome ideas and random thoughts hit me).
TLDR; basically the characters in the show are actually dead, and eventually they end up at Heaven A.K.A ‘The Good Place’. You’d think that everyone at the Good place would be happy because hey, you could have anything and everything you want, any desired fulfilled. Who wouldn’t be happy right!? There was no for them to even use their brains anymore because there was absolutely no need to strive for what they needed or wanted. Everything they asked for, they got.
Turns out - everyone there was miserable, unhappy. Why you ask?
When someone is repeatedly exposed to a stimulus, they get used to it and so no longer feel the emotion attached to it. This is called habituation. If you’re surrounded by the beauty and pleasures of the Good Place, eventually you stop noticing how good it is.
It’s like how you can forget whether you're wearing socks or not - they're there but the sensation is not because it's not new. The information is not reported to your awareness.
And that’s how it is with life isn’t it? It’s the same as how I feel about the benefits of working at Google. I’m lucky to have benefits such as having all three meals covered - but after 5 years of this, the lure or ‘fantasy’ of having such perks have worn off. There are days where I go by not wanting to eat just because the food ‘isn’t up to standard’. Picky, I know. But we’re primed to always want more, especially when ‘new and shiny’ becomes the norm. (Don’t get me, I am grateful to be fed everyday, I am just not particularly excited about it).
So Then… What Is Happiness? Why Are We Always Chasing It?
Our efforts are always fueled by some promise we make to ourselves. What are you expecting from all the hard work you’ve put in? For most people, the goal is simple: they just want to be happy. Think back to the last goal you achieved. You pushed yourself hard drawn by the promise of a happier life, but when you finally got it, how did you feel? Did it make you feel the way you hoped it would? Chances are the answer is no, or not for long anyway.
Because honestly, happiness is simply an emotion, and like all emotions - happiness is temporary and fleeting.
Success often feels surprisingly empty - whether people like to admit it or not. This is because, we as humans, tend to overestimate the length or the intensity of our future feelings - IE. We mostly underestimate our ability to adapt to new circumstances. As we learn new things, we change as people. We develop new skill sets, and perhaps become someone different. And what we think would make us happy, eventually doesn’t anymore.
So this means that Happiness itself can’t be the goal. But, clearly Happiness is still important in some aspect - so how do we lure more of it into our lives?
Finding Meaning In Life
I’ve personally found that once I had found my why / purpose - I was able to start making plans for my life, and start actioning on baby steps I had laid out for myself. This is because whatever I had set out to work on - was meaningful to me.
In our pursuit of happiness, we take our focus off what could be meaningful, but it’s in the pursuit of what is meaningful that happiness seems most likely to appear.
So what is meaningful? Again, us as humans constantly evolve (and we also expect a lot all the time). But remember, what is important to you now as compared to when you were 12 years old is different. So the question is… What are you curious about, enough to want to intentionally live your life (which is basically defining your actions and habits) to ‘lead a meaningful life’?
As much as I talk about needing to cultivate and develop small habits and cultivativating discipline, those focus a lot on the path or direction which will ultimately lead you to the big picture: your vision for what it means to live a meaningful life based on your experiences. However, if you don’t orient yourself this way, you can lose direction, and somehow start going back to the same cycle of ‘Wake Up - Eat - Work - Drink - Sleep - Repeat’ grinding through life. I try my best to check in once a month on my progress on my projects to see if I’m still on track, and if needed - I re-think my direction and PIVOT like Ross ;)
Some Steps To Finding Your ‘Meaning’
Take some time and schedule a talk with a friend / partner - Ask them what their passion in life is. Chances are, they won’t really know. Take some time to think through some of the most defining moments in your life (whether position or negative) - and write them all out. Eventually, a recurring pattern will form. Get your friend to help you out seek out these patterns and from there a theme should arise. From there, take your top 5 defining moments and keep asking yourself ‘why’ 7 times This forces you to question yourself and dig deeper into your true self / intentions / feelings. Try it, it works. I kid you not. Some people even get emotional about it, because this discovery rocks their inner core. Remember, it has to be 7 times!
Here is a link to an article written about the ‘Seven Levels of Why’. There is also a worksheet you can download to use as a template! Try it and let me know what all of you think!
As a shameless plug, I review Simon Sinek’s ‘Find Your Why’ in this youtube video on ‘Finding Your Purpose In Life’ by yours truly! Check it out as I narrow down some of the concepts Simon speaks about! I also highly recommend you check out his book :)
Conclusion
‘Imagine a world in which our emotions calcified, forcing us to entertain our demons indefinitely. Or ‘Heaven’, where things are so perfect, so lacking in contrast, that everything ultimately feels meaningless. It would poison us. - The Bullet Journal, Ryder Carroll
Everything needs to have a balance. Without any hardship, we won’t ever know the true meaning of happiness. So the next time you’re in pursuit of happiness, be sure you’re headed in the right direction, and remember to enjoy the journey along the way ;)
Reading Resources
Why Living In The Good Place Would Actually Drive You Mad - ( Article | 3 minute read) - Wired
The Bullet Journal - ( Book | Depends on your reading speed ) - Ryder Carroll
Find Your Why - ( Book | Depends on your reading speed ) - Simon Sinek
Finding Your Purpose In Life - (Youtube | 11 min watch) - Jamie Lim Yin Yin :)
Seven Levels of Why - ( Article | 1 min read ) - Rich Kelly
