Stoicism: The Philosophy That Helps You Deal Differently With Setbacks
You know that single moment of dread that hits you? The moment you get cold sweat. When you realize ‘Shit, where is my wallet?’ and then you frantically scramble to search your pockets and bags - and if you’re lucky you find what you’re looking for. That wave of relief hits you and all is good in the world.
Unfortunately I wasn’t so lucky with my B-roll footage the other day. For the uninitiated, B-roll is basically supplemental footage that was filmed (in my case at the gym of me demonstrating exercises etc). A-roll is where you see my lovely face talking to the camera.
There I was, all ready to sit down and edit my new youtube video. and then… wait. ‘WHERE ARE MY B-ROLL VIDEOS!?’ Long story short - in my attempt to keep footage neat, tidy and organized - I deleted my B-roll footage. ALL OF IT.
Now I know it sounds like something stupid. So what? I could just go film it again right? I basically went into the gym on the weekend (so that it wouldn’t be crowded) - and had to take quite a few shots / different angles, different cut scenes. People don’t realize that it actually takes quite A LOT of effort to capture footage.I spent about 2 hours filming, and even came back to organize the files, review the scenes and delete irrelevant bits of it.
Obviously I tried my best to retrieve the lost files via some software - and I managed to retrieve them - BUT they ended up being corrupted. SO, I had to figure out how to repair the files. I spent more time looking for more options on how they could be repaired.
At that point of time I was seriously like… ARGH. OMG I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS VIDEO ANYMORE ~!@#$%^&*(). I was so frustrated at myself, I cried it out, calmed down, and most importantly slept (because by the time I was done with all of it, it was already 2am. Woke up the next morning feeling incredibly shitty - but still had SOME sort of hope that the videos could somehow be saved.
They couldn’t be saved.
So at this point of time, I had lost both time & money:
2.5 hours of filming footage plus looking through and organizing them
1/2 hour of research on how to retrieve the lost videos
SGD 140 dollars on buying the software on retrieving the videos
1 hour for the computer to try to retrieve the lost videos
1 hour trying to fix the retrieved, but corrupted video videos
5 hours of my life gone, and also SGD 140 down for something that didn’t work. GREAT.
At that point, I took a call and decided to stop wasting time retrieving the videos because I had already done my best to try to retrieve the videos, and didn’t want to waste anymore time either.
As I was feeling quite disheartened, I recalled something mentioned by Ali Abdaal (again my favourite youtuber just because I get SO many insights from him) on how he deals with situations like these: The Philosophy Of Stoicism.
What is Stoicism?
When I first heard about this I was like… what is this weird philosophy which sounds so rigid and cult-like? But the more I heard about it (as it had been mentioned several times), the more curious I got. So I decided to do some research about it.
‘Stoicism teaches how to keep a calm and rational mind no matter what happens to you and it helps you understand and focus on what you can control and not worry about and accept what you can't control.’ - Jonas Salzgeber
Okay, interesting enough. Something that could help me feel less shitty about things. What have I got to lose right? The more I dug, the more interesting and relevant it got for me.
After reading through some of the principles, I actually managed to find a few points that helped me with my feelings of frustration, and wanted to share them.
Bear in mind that these are only 3 small parts of Stoicism that I am mentioning. There are actually many parts to Stoicism and if you are interested in diving deeper, I’d recommend reading this article I found on NJlifehacks. It’s a bit of a long read and I took about 2 days to read and absorb everything, but I really found it pretty interesting! I’ve also watched a couple of youtube videos on it - and would recommend this one (Why Stoicism Matters) by the School of Life
#1 Focus on What You Can Control, Accept What You Can’t
“Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens. Some things are up to us and some things are not up to us.” – Epictetus
This so called ‘Stoic dichotomy of control’ is actually the most characteristic principle of Stoicism.
Basically the only things that are within our control are:
Our Thoughts
Our Judgements
Our Actions
Everything else is not within our control. Knowing that you are in control of your own actions and have done whatever you have done to the best of your abilities is sufficient.
So linking it back to my problem: I had already done everything possible in my power to try to retrieve the footage - since there is nothing else I could have done, why torture myself with not being able to have the footage at hand? Most of the time it’s the thought of ‘WHAT IF’ that really bugs us. Instead of letting that happen, I just decided to stop brooding over it and cut my losses and made the decision to re-film it again. Once that decision was made, I decided to stop wasting my emotional space and time on this and move on with my day.
#2 Amor Fati – Love Everything that Happens
“Seek not for events to happen as you wish but rather wish for events to happen as they do and your life will go smoothly.” – Epictetus
Instead of wishing the shitty event didn’t happen, we should learn to ‘accept’ that it has happened because the past cannot be changed no matter how much you want it to.
Stoicism calls this the “art of acquiescence” – to accept rather than fight every little thing. In other words ‘ Go With The Flow’.
Accept that we don’t control everything that happens, and that whatever happens is okay. Then learn to love everything that happens.
What the… how can you have gratitude for shitty whatever happens to you? Well, I try to think of it this way: all events whether desired or unexpected – happen specifically for you. At the moment when something happens, it may feel wrong, but it serves something greater that you don’t yet understand and in the end, will benefit you.
I honestly don’t know how me losing my B-roll will benefit me yet, but I can definitely think of ways on how I have already benefited from this experience. For example, I know that I’m never going to delete any of my filmed footage until I’m done editing the video. I’m also taking measures to make sure I have my footage properly backed up so I don’t ever run into this situation again! Awesome, but very painful and valuable learning lessons :) I’m actually over it and can even laugh about it because the only thing I actually have left of my B-roll is actually a very unglamorous (I KKID YOU NOT) screenshot of me in a VERY awkward position ;) Not going to share this here - but reach out if you want a laugh! The photo will forever be a reminder of this B-roll incident, and I’m grateful I can actually get some entertainment value out of it!
#3 Turn Obstacles into Opportunities – Perception Is Key
The mind is a powerful double edged sword - our perception and judgement of things can seriously impact how you approach problems. Thats why so many entrepreneurs or successful people preach so much about having the right mindset over things, because it could literally make or break you.
“If you are pained by any external thing, it is not this thing that disturbs you, but your own judgment about it. And it is in your power to wipe out this judgment now.”
– Marcus Aurelius
Look at the events objectively and choose to use them for their best. Turn every obstacle into an opportunity!
You are ultimately responsible for how you choose to react to a certain situation (and how it affects you). It’s back to the same theory where you don’t control external events, but you are directly in control of how you deal with it. And, in the end, that’s all that matters.
A good way to look at an event objectively is to imagine that happened to someone else. This works because we are innately much more critical and harsh on ourselves. Try it next time!
Stoicism teaches us to regard everything as an opportunity for growth - so take everything that happens to you (whether good or bad) as a cause for opportunity for growth! The only thing that is in your way is how you perceive things. Recognize that how you look at things (and eventually react to them) can cause two very different chain of reactions to events. Trust me, even when it’s hard, there is always a silver lining somewhere.
What’s my silver lining in deleting my B-roll? Well, even though I have to go back and re-shoot everything, I know I’m going to be able to do it in a much faster time than I did before! Now I also know the importance of backing stuff up - I’m going to buy myself some lovely (expensive) hard drives to make sure this doesn’t happen again!
Shit happens and we need to acknowledge that. But you can brood over it or you can decide to look for an opportunity and use it for your best.
Conclusion
I’m still reading up about Stoicism and learning more about it everyday, but I’ve found this philosophy to be very much in line with my values. The best thing about this is that it’s actually practical, so unlike other philosophical theories that are only discussed time and time again, I am actually able to apply / practice Stoicism in my everyday life.
It’s practical usages prove to be super logical and helpful when it comes to helping me manage my emotions. I know that the principles are nothing groundbreaking (and surprisingly, I see some similarities with some principles of Buddhism) but I find Stoicism a little more ‘ logical’ in the approach, so it just makes a little more sense to me.
Oh well, I’m just glad to know that I’m headed in the ‘right’ direction of working towards gaining independence from the circumstances of my life and become more emotionally stable - so I hope these few principles have helped you in some small way :)
PS. I’m always reading a book Ali has spoken about numerous times called ‘Happy’ by Darren Brown. Obviously it relates to this post in some manner, but I can’t comment much since I haven’t actually finished reading the book, but thought to share it with those who are interested to check it out!
On a final note, Happy Chinese New Year to all of you! :)
Resources
What Is Stoicism? A Definition & 9 Stoic Exercises To Get You Started ( Article | 5 minute read ) - The Daily Stoic
What Is Stoicism? A Simple Definition & 10 Stoic Core Principles ( Article | 15 minute read) - NJlifehacks
Why Stoicism Matters ( Youtube | 8 minute watch) - The School Of Life
Happy: Why More or Less Everything is Absolutely Fine ( Book | Depends on your reading speed) - Darren Brown
