Friendships vs. Community
Once Singapore entered phase 2 of Covid-19, I was finally been able to make appointments to hang out with friends (with a limit of 5 people each time).
I pride myself about being really intentional about my time, so these days I prioritize my time to only meet folks whom I truly care about. So imagine how confused I was when I met a bunch of good friends (who I hadn’t seen in the longest time) - and by the end of the night, I had concluded that it was a complete waste of my time because I was utterly bored that night.
I cracked my head to try to figure out what had changed. Was it because we didn’t have shared interests anymore? Was it because I didn’t care for them anymore? We spoke about the usual stuff, work, life, what our other friends were up to. It was the same old conversations as before, but I was completely checked out.
‘UGH. I could have used the time to relax or work on my blog post or newsletter!’
I compared that to a dinner I had this another bunch of friends I had this week. In contrast to the previous dinner, I REALLY enjoyed this dinner! Conversations were filled with laughter and intrigue. We also spoke about work, but every one had thoughts and insights when we approached any topic.
I also feel a similar sort of excitement when connecting with folks from the ‘Building A Second Brain’ online course I am currently attending. There is a forum where folks with similar interest can connect. For example, I’m part of several interest groups like‘Notion’, ‘Youtubers’ , ‘Books’, Personal Growth’ and ‘BASB Singapore’. I’ve been pretty active in the forum (yes, I’m making the effort to), but even during the breakout groups in the live session, I find the the initial conversations super fun and interesting and I’m fully engaged in the conversations! I find myself being surrounded with people whom I find incredibly interesting. Perhaps it’s because we’re all in the same course, working towards the same goal, and within that same goal, there are also folks with the same sort of aspirations as me. Folks that nerd out, and get excited about the same thing as me! We were all incredibly excited about productivity and note taking apps, and it was SO comforting to be surrounded by folks like that (even if I barely know them!) I really felt like I belonged, and that’s really the power, and the importance of having a community.
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After spending some time reflecting, I came to these conclusions:
1) I enjoy chatting with folks with have opinions and perspectives on topics. Shallow topics bore me.
2) Having some sort of a community in your life is important! Especially if the community is based around something you are incredibly interested in and passionate about. I somehow feel like this mini void in me is slowly filling up. Before this, no one would particularly understand how interesting ‘productivity’ was to me, so it’s REALLY nice to be able to find a bunch of people who do!
3) I can’t expect a the same out of a friend, as I would from a member of a community I’m in.
Friends are still an important pillar in my life, that I am certain of. I know without a doubt that I can rely on a few of my good friends to be there for me no matter what circumstances may arise, but honestly, the conversations with those friends never bore me! Maybe I was being too harsh on my friends? Or it could be a combination of the fact that the conversations that night were just too shallow, and nothing else particularly piqued my interest.
Well, the next time I meet this bunch, I’ll put on a different lens and have different expectations on how the conversations should go! Hopefully, things will turn out much more interesting…
